


Heaven and Hell (4.10)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [71]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Binishing Sigil, Angel Radio, Bobby's Panic Room, Castiel's Handprint, Crossroads, Dean's Amulet, Demon Blood, Demonology, Drugs, F/M, Hell, Hex Bags, Hugs, Impala, Possesion, Roma Downey, Ruby's Knife, Salt, Singer Salvage Yard, Unconsciousness, angel lore, gank, iron, smiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:15:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8370103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: Dean n' Sam git into why Castiel n' Uriel want Anna dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Alastair n' his crazy-ass minions try ta track down Sam, Dean n' Anna.





	1. NOW

**INT. CABIN - NIGHT**  
Da scene continues from tha last episode.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass want Anna, biatch? Why?

 **URIEL  
** Out of tha way.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, I know dat biiiiatch wiretappin yo' angel chats or whatever yo, but itz no reason ta gank her muthafuckin ass.

 **URIEL  
** Don't worry. I be bout ta bust a cap up in her gentle.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is some heartless lil playaz of biiiatches, you know that?

 **CASTIEL  
** As a matta of fact, we is fo' realz. And?

 **SAM  
** And, biatch? Annaz a innocent girl.

 **CASTIEL  
** Bitch is far from innocent.

 **SAM  
** Whatz dat supposed ta mean?

 **URIEL  
** It means dat biiiiatch worse than dis abomination you've been screwing. Now give our asses tha girl.

 **DEAN  
** Sorry. Git yo ass another one. Try JDate.

 **URIEL  
** Whoz gonna stop us, biatch? Yo ass two, biatch? Or dis demon whore?

URIEL throws RUBY against a wall. DEAN attacks his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Cas, stop...please.

CASTIEL touches SAMz forehead n' he falls ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! URIEL punches DEAN.

 **URIEL  
** I've been waitin fo' this.

Suddenly a funky-ass bright light engulfs CASTIEL n' URIEL n' they disappear.

 **DEAN  
** What the...

DEAN helps RUBY ta her Nikes.

 **DEAN  
** Come on.

RUBY then kneels by SAM, whoz ass is stirring. DEAN gets tha fuck into a funky-ass back room n' findz ANNA wit her handz n' arms covered up in her own blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!

 **DEAN  
** Anna fo' realz. Anna!

ANNA has used her blood ta draw sigils on a mirror.

 **ANNA  
** Is they -- is they gone?

 **DEAN  
** Did yo dirty ass bust a cap up in them?

 **ANNA  
** No. I busted dem away... far away.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass wanna tell me how?

 **ANNA  
** That just popped up in mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I don't give a fuck how tha fuck I done did dat shit. I just done did dat shit.


	2. ACT ONE

**INT. CABIN - NIGHT**

**DEAN  
** So, what tha fuck do you think?

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin Annaz gettin mo' bangin-ass by tha second.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I agree fo' realz. And what tha fuck did they mean by "shez not innocent"?

 **SAM  
** It seems like they want her bad, n' not just 'cause of tha angel radio thang. I mean, dat blood spell -- Some straight-up crap, man.

 **DEAN  
** Somethingz goin on wit her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See what tha fuck you can smoke up.

 **SAM  
** What is you gonna do?

 **DEAN  
** Anna may have busted tha angels ta tha outfield yo, but, sooner or later, they gonna be back. We gots ta git ourselves safe now, nahmeean?

**INT. BOBBY'S PANIC ROOM - DAY**

ANNA is chillin up in a cold-ass lil chair up in tha panic room.

 **DEAN  
** Iron walls drenched up in salt. Demons can't even bust a nut on tha joint.

RUBY is waitin outside tha open door.

 **RUBY  
** Which I find racist, by tha way.

 **DEAN  
** Write yo' congressman.

 **RUBY  
** Here.

 **DEAN  
** Hex bags?

 **RUBY  
** Extra-crunchy. They'll hide our asses from angels, demons, all comers.

 **DEAN  
** Thanks, Ruby. [ ta ANNA ] Don't lose all dis bullshit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, Anna, whatz playin on angel radio, biatch? Anythang useful?

 **ANNA  
** It aint nuthin but on tha fuckin' down-low. Dead silence.

 **DEAN  
** Good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Thatz not troublin at all.

 **ANNA  
** We up in shit, huh, biatch? Yo ass muthafuckas is scared?

 **DEAN  
** Nah.

 **SAM [ Out of sight ]  
** Yo, Dean!

 **DEAN  
** Just stay here, aiiight, biatch? [ ta RUBY ] Keep a eye on her muthafuckin ass.

**INT. BOBBY'S DINING ROOM - DAY**

**DEAN  
** Howz tha car?

 **SAM  
** I gots her n' shit. Dat hoe fine. Wherez Bobby?

 **DEAN  
** Uh, Da Dominican. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude holla'd we break anything, we loot dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Dat punk hustlin a thang?

 **DEAN  
** God, I hope so. Otherwise, he at hedonizzle up in a funky-ass banana hammock n' a trucker cap.

 **SAM  
** Now thatz seared up in mah dome.

 **DEAN  
** All right, what tha fuck did you find on Anna?

 **SAM  
** Uh, not much yo. Her muthafathas were, uh, Rich n' Amy Milton -- a cold-ass lil church deacon n' a housewife.

 **DEAN  
** Riveting.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. But there is suttin' here up in tha report. Turns up dis sickest fuckin psych episode wasn't her first.

 **DEAN  
** No?

 **SAM  
** When dat biiiiatch was 2 1/2, she'd git hysterical any time her daddy gots close. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was convinced dat da thug wasn't her real daddy.

 **DEAN  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck was, biatch? Da plumber, hmm, biatch? A lil snakin tha pipes?

 **SAM  
** Dude, you confusin realitizzle wit porn again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Look, Anna didn't say. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch just kept repeatin dat dis real daddy of hers was mad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Straight-up mad -- like wanted-to-kill-her mad.

 **DEAN  
** Kind of heavy fo' a 2-year-old.

 **SAM  
** Well, her big-ass booty saw a kidz shrink, gots better, n' grew up normal.

 **DEAN  
** Until now, nahmeean, biatch? Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, whatz dat freaky freaky biatch hiding?

 **ANNA  
** Why don't you just ask me ta mah face?

 **DEAN  
** Sick thang watchin her muthafuckin ass.

 **RUBY  
** I be watchin her muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, you right, Anna. Is there anythang you wanna tell us?

 **ANNA  
** Bout what?

 **SAM  
** Da angels holla'd you was guilty of something. Why would they say that?

 **ANNA  
** Yo ass tell mah dirty ass. Tell me why mah game has been leveled... Why mah muthafathas is dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. I swear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I would give anythang ta know.

 **SAM  
** Okay. Then letz smoke up.

 **ANNA  
** How?

 **INT. BOBBY'S BASEMENT - DAY**  
DEAN is leadin PAMELA down tha stairs.

 **DEAN  
** Our thugged-out asses here!

 **SAM  
** Pamela, hey!

 **PAMELA  
** Sam?

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but mah dirty ass. itz Sam

 **PAMELA  
** SAM?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **PAMELA  
** Sam, is dat yo slick ass?

 **SAM  
** I be right here.

 **PAMELA  
** Oh. Know how tha fuck I can tell, biatch? [ grabs SAMz ass ] That perky lil ass of yours. Yo ass could bounce a nickel off dat thang. Of course I know itz you, grumpy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Same way I know thatz a thugged-out demon, n' dat skanky girlz Anna n' dat you've been eyein mah rack.

 **SAM  
** Uh... uh... uh...

 **PAMELA  
** Don't sweat it, kiddo. I still gots mo' senses than most.

 **SAM  
** Got dat shit.

 **PAMELA  
** Yo, Anna. Wuz crackalackin' yo, biatch? I be Pamela.

 **ANNA  
** Hi.

 **PAMELA  
** Dean holla'd at mah crazy ass whatz been goin on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I be buckwild ta help.

 **ANNA  
** Oh. Thatz sick of you, biatch.

 **PAMELA  
** Oh, well, not straight-up fo' realz. Any chizzle I can dick over a angel, I be takin dat shit.

 **ANNA  
** Why?

 **PAMELA  
** They stole suttin' from mah dirty ass. [ takes off her sunglasses, revealin white eyes ] Demon-y, I know. But they just plastic. Dope fo' bidnizz. Makes me look extra-psychic, don't you think, biatch? [ laughs ] Now...how bout you tell me what tha fuck yo' deal is, biatch? Hmm, biatch? Don't you worry.

**INT. BOBBY'S PANIC ROOM - DAY**

**PAMELA  
** Sick n' chillaxed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Now, I be goin ta count down from five ta zero. When we at zero, you gonna be up in a thugged-out deep state of hypnosis fo' realz. As I count down, just go deeper n' deeper, aiiight, biatch? 5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Deep chill. Deep chill. Every muscle calm n' chillaxed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass betta hear me son?

 **ANNA  
** I can hear you, biatch.

 **PAMELA  
** Now, Anna, tell mah dirty ass.. yo. How tha fuck can you hear tha angels, biatch? How tha fuck did you work dat spell?

 **ANNA  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. I just done did.

 **PAMELA  
** Yo crazy-ass father... Whatz his name?

 **ANNA  
** Rich Milton.

 **PAMELA  
** All right. But I want you ta look further back... When you was straight-up young... Just a cold-ass lil couple muthafuckin years old.

 **ANNA  
** I don't want to.

 **PAMELA  
** It'll be aiiight fo' realz. Anna, just one look -- thatz all we need.

 **ANNA  
** No.

 **PAMELA  
** Whatz yo' dadz name, biatch? Yo crazy-ass real dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Why is he mad salty at yo slick ass?

 **ANNA  
** No. No! No. [ screams ] No!

 **PAMELA  
** Calm down.

 **ANNA  
** [screams ] Dat punk gonna bust a cap up in me!

 **PAMELA  
** Anna, you safe.

 **ANNA  
** [ screams ] No! [ tha lights explode n' glass shattas ]

 **PAMELA  
** Calm down.

 **ANNA  
** [screams ] Dat punk gonna bust a cap up in me!

 **PAMELA  
** It aint nuthin but all right, Anna.

 **DEAN  
** Anna?

DEAN strutts towardz ANNA.

 **PAMELA  
** Dean, don't.

ANNA throws DEAN across tha room.

 **PAMELA  
** Wake up in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 fo' realz. Anna.. fo' realz. Anna, biatch? Y'all right?

 **ANNA  
** Nuff props, Pamela. That helps all muthafuckin day. It make me wanna hollar playa! I remember now, nahmeean?

 **SAM  
** Remember what?

 **ANNA  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck I am.

 **DEAN  
** I be bout ta bite. Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass?

 **ANNA  
** I be a angel.


	3. ACT TWO

**INT. BOBBY'S LIBRARY - DAY**

**ANNA  
** Don't be afraid, I aint like tha others.

 **RUBY  
** I don't find dat straight-up reassuring.

 **PAMELA  
** Neither do I.

 **ANNA  
** So...Castiel, Uriel -- they tha ones dat came fo' me son?

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know them?

 **ANNA  
** Us thugs was kind of up in tha same foxhole.

 **DEAN  
** So, what, was they like yo' bosses or something?

 **ANNA  
** Try tha other way around.

 **DEAN  
** Look at you, biatch.

 **PAMELA  
** But now they wanna bust a cap up in yo slick ass?

 **ANNA  
** Ordaz is orders. I be shizzle I gots a thugged-out dirtnap sentence on mah head.

 **PAMELA  
** Why?

 **ANNA  
** I disobeyed... which, fo' us, be bout da most thugged-out shitty thang you can do. I fell.

 **DEAN  
** Meaning?

 **PAMELA  
** Bitch fell tha fuck ta earth, became human.

 **SAM  
** Wait a minute. I don't understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So, angels can just become human?

 **ANNA  
** It kind of hurts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Try cuttin yo' kidney up wit a funky-ass butta knife. That kind of hurt. I ripped up mah grace.

 **DEAN  
** Come again?

 **ANNA  
** My fuckin grace. It's... juice. Jacked it up n' fell. My fuckin mother, Amy, couldn't git pregnant fo' realz. Always called mah crazy ass her lil miracle. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch had no clue how tha fuck right dat biiiiatch was.

 **DEAN  
** So, you just forgot dat you was Godz lil Juice Ranger?

 **ANNA  
** Da olda I got, tha longer I was human, yeah.

 **RUBY  
** I don't be thinkin you all appreciate how tha fuck straight-up screwed we are.

 **ANNA  
** Rubyz right yo. Heaven wants me dead as fuckin fried chicken.

 **RUBY  
** And Hell just wants her n' shiznit fo' realz. A flesh-and-blood angel dat you can question, torture, dat bleeds. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sister, you tha Stanley Cup fo' realz. And sooner or later, Heaven or Hell, they gonna find you, biatch.

 **ANNA  
** I know fo' realz. And thatz why I'ma git it back.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **ANNA  
** My fuckin grace.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass can do that?

 **ANNA  
** If I can find dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** So, what, you just gonna take some divine bong hit, and, shazam, you Roma Downey?

 **ANNA  
** Somethang like dat n' like dis n' like dat y'all.

 **DEAN  
** All right. I wanna bust a nut on dis plan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, wherez dis grace of yours?

 **ANNA  
** Lost track. I was fallin bout 10,000 milez per minute all up in tha time.

 **SAM  
** Wait. Yo ass mean falling, like, literally?

 **ANNA  
** Yes yes y'all.

 **SAM  
** Like tha way a human eye can see, biatch? Like a cold-ass lil comet, maybe, or a meteor?

 **ANNA  
** Why do you ask?

 **INT. BOBBY'S LIBRARY - NIGHT**  
SAM is surrounded by books n' oldschool magazines.

 **SAM  
** Here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. In march '85, a meteorite vanished up in tha night sky over northwestern Ohio. Dat shiznit was sighted nine months before Anna was born, n' dat biiiiatch started doin thangs up in dat part of Ohio.

 **RUBY  
** Yo ass is pretty buff fo' a nerd.

 **SAM  
** Look, I be thinkin dat shiznit was Anna n' here, same time -- another meteor over Kentucky.

 **RUBY  
** And thatz her grace?

 **SAM  
** Might be.

 **RUBY  
** All right. That just narrows it down ta a entire state.

 **SAM  
** Look, itz a start.

 **RUBY  
** Sam... I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **SAM  
** For what?

 **RUBY  
** For brangin you dis mess. If I had known, I would have kept mah trap shut.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, well, we'll muddle through.

 **RUBY  
** Not dis time. Yo ass do not wanna git between these two armies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! It aint nuthin but Godzilla n' Mothra. If one side don't git us, tha other one will.

 **SAM  
** So, what tha fuck do you wanna do, biatch? Dump Anna n' run, biatch? Forget dat shit. Look, I know tha angels freak you out.

 **RUBY  
** Forget tha angels. It aint nuthin but Alastair I be scared of.

 **SAM  
** Alastair?

 **RUBY  
** Yo ass kicked it wit his ass up in tha church. Practically tha grand inquisitor downstairs. Picasso wit a razor.

 **SAM  
** And?

 **RUBY  
** And you should pull his ass up n' throw his ass back up in tha pit... if you weren't so outta shape.

 **SAM  
** Ruby...

 **RUBY  
** Fuck dat shit, yo' abilitizzles -- you gettin flabby.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, so how tha fuck do I tone up?

 **RUBY  
** Yo ass know how. Yo ass know what tha fuck you gots ta do.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, I aint bustin dat no mo'.

 **RUBY  
** Sam...

 **SAM  
** I holla'd no.

 **RUBY  
** Well, then you betta pray dat Anna gets her groove back, or we all dead as fuckin fried chicken.

**EXT. BOBBY'S SALVAGE YARD - NIGHT**

**ANNA  
** Pamela git home aiiight?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch holla'd dat biiiiatch was sorry bout dat bullshit. It aint nuthin but just afta last time, she, uh... This is just a lil too rich fo' her blood.

 **ANNA  
** I don't blame her n' shit. Yo ass muthafuckas should do tha same.

 **DEAN  
** Well, our asses aint dat smart. Can I ask you something, biatch? What do they want me for, biatch? Why did they save me son?

 **ANNA  
** I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. Da angels aren't poppin' off bout it fo' realz. And dat shiznit was afta I fell.

 **DEAN  
** Thatz another question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Why would you fall, biatch? Why would you wanna be one of us?

 **ANNA  
** Yo ass don't mean that.

 **DEAN  
** I don't, biatch? A bunch of -- of miserable bastards... Eating, crapping, confused, afraid.

 **ANNA  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Therez loyalty... forgiveness... love.

 **DEAN  
** Pain.

 **ANNA  
** Chocolate cake.

 **DEAN  
** Guilt.

 **ANNA  
** Sex.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, you gots me there.

 **ANNA  
** I mean dat shit. Every emotion, Dean, even tha shitty ones... It aint nuthin but why I fell. It aint nuthin but why... why I'd give anythang not ta gotta go back fo' realz. Anything.

 **DEAN  
** Feelings is overrated, if you ask mah dirty ass.

 **ANNA  
** Beats bein a angel.

 **DEAN  
** Howz dat possible, biatch? Yo ass muthafuckas is bangin n' perfect. Yo ass don't doubt yourselves or Dogg or anything.

 **ANNA  
** Perfect... Like a marble statue. Cold... no chizzle... only obedience. Dean, do you know how tha fuck nuff angels have straight-up peeped God, biatch? Seen his wild lil' face?

 **DEAN  
** All of yo slick ass?

 **ANNA  
** Four angels. Four fo' realz. And I aint one of dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** Thatz it, biatch? Well, then how tha fuck do you even know dat there be a God?

 **ANNA  
** We gotta take it on faith... Which we capped if our phat asses don't have.

 **DEAN  
** Huh.

 **ANNA  
** I was stationed on earth 2,000 years. Just... watching... silent... invisible... up on tha road... sick fo' home... waitin on ordaz from a unknowable daddy I can't begin ta understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So don't tell me dat --

DEAN laughs.

 **ANNA  
** What tha fuck iz so funky, biatch? What?

 **DEAN  
** Nothing. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry. It aint nuthin but just...I can relate.

 **SAM  
** Hey.

 **DEAN  
** Did yo dirty ass find something?

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin so.

**INT. BOBBY'S LIBRARY - NIGHT**

**SAM  
** Union, Kentucky. Found some accountz of a local miracle.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. In '85, there was a empty field outside of town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Six months later, there was a gangbangin' full-grown oak. They say it looks a cold-ass lil century oldschool at least.

 **DEAN  
** Anna, what tha fuck do you think?

 **ANNA  
** Da grace. Where it hit, it could have done suttin' like that, easy as fuck .

 **DEAN  
** So grace ground zero -- it aint destruction. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It's...

 **ANNA  
** Pure creation.

 **INT. IMPALA - NIGHT**  
DEAN is driving. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is beside his ass n' ANNA n' RUBY is all up in tha backseat. DEAN looks up in tha rear-view mirror n' laughs.

 **RUBY  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Nothing. It aint nuthin but just a angel n' a thugged-out demon ridin up in tha backseat. It aint nuthin but like tha setup ta a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shitty-ass joke... or a Penthouse Forum letter.

 **SAM  
** Dude... Reality... Porn.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass call dis reality?

**EXT. OAK FIELD - DAY**

**DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but dope.

 **ANNA  
** It aint nuthin but where tha grace touched down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I can feel dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass locked n loaded ta do this?

 **ANNA  
** Not straight-up.

 **SAM  
** Anna, what tha fuck is we even lookin for?

ANNA puts a hand on tha tree trunk.

 **ANNA  
** It don't matter n' shit. It aint nuthin but not here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Not no mo'. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone took dat shit.


	4. ACT THREE

**INT. BARN - NIGHT**

**DEAN  
** We still gots tha hex bags. I say our crazy asses head back ta tha panic room.

 **RUBY  
** What, forever?

 **DEAN  
** I be just thankin up loud!

 **RUBY  
** Oh, you call dat thinking?

 **SAM  
** Yo dawwwwg! Yo, hey, hey. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Quit dat shit.

 **RUBY  
** Annaz grace is gone. Yo ass understand, biatch? Biatch can't angel up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch can't protect us. We can't fight Heaven n' Hell. One side maybe yo, but not both. Not at once.

 **ANNA  
** Um... muthafuckas, biatch? Da angels is poppin' off again.

 **SAM  
** What is they saying?

 **ANNA  
** It aint nuthin but weird... Like a recording... a loop. Well shiiiit, it says, "Dean Winchesta gives our asses Anna by midnight, or..."

 **DEAN  
** Or what?

 **ANNA  
** "...or our crazy asses hurl his ass back ta damnation."

 **SAM  
** Anna.. Do you know of any weapon dat works on a angel, biatch? To what, biatch? To bust a cap up in them?

SAM nods.

 **ANNA  
** Nothang we could git to... Not n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, wait, wait. I say we call Bobby. We git his ass back from hedonism.

 **SAM  
** Dean, whatz he gonna tell our asses dat our phat asses don't already know?

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck yo, but we gots ta be thinkin of something!

 **EXT. WOODS - NIGHT**  
DEAN is studyin a funky-ass book over tha IMPALA.

 **DEAN  
** Hey yo. Holdin up aiiight?

 **ANNA  
** Trying.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **ANNA  
** A lil scared, I guess. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, um... Dean... I just wanted ta fuck you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** For what?

 **ANNA  
** Everything. Yo ass muthafuckas -- you didn't gotta help me --

 **DEAN  
** Yo, letz can tha "thanks fo' trying" speech, you know, biatch? Participation trophies suck ass.

 **ANNA  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Maybe I don't deserve ta be saved.

 **DEAN  
** Don't rap like dat n' like dis n' like dat y'all.

 **ANNA  
** I disobeyed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Lucifer disobeyed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but our cappin' one, n' I knew dat shit. Maybe I gots ta pay.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, well, we've all done thangs we gots ta pay for.

 **ANNA  
** I gots ta rap something. Yo ass aint gonna like dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Okay. what?

 **ANNA  
** On some week ago, I heard tha angels rappin'.. fo' realz. Bout you, biatch... What you did up in Hell. Dean, I know. Well shiiiit, it wasn't yo' fault. Yo ass should forgive yo ass.

 **DEAN  
** Anna, I don't w-want to, uh... I don't want to... I can't rap bout that.

 **ANNA  
** I know. But when you can, you have playas dat wanna help. Yo ass aint ridin' solo. Thatz all I be tryin ta say.

ANNA kisses DEAN.

 **DEAN  
** What was dat for?

 **ANNA  
** Yo ass know... Our last night on earth.. fo' realz. All that.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is jackin mah dopest line.

 **INT. IMPALA - NIGHT**  
Ready fo' ludd by Shiznitty Company is playin while DEAN n' ANNA make love.

 **INT. BARN - NIGHT**  
SAM be asleep over a open book as RUBY leaves.

 **EXT. CROSSROAD - NIGHT**  
RUBY burns her hex bag.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Yo muthafucka, Ruby.

 **RUBY  
** Alastair.

 **ALASTAIR  
** I gotta say, I be surprised ta find you up in tha open like dis y'all.

 **RUBY  
** Yeah, biatch? Desperate times.

 **ALASTAIR  
** That they are. Yo ass lookin fo' this, biatch? [ takes up Rubyz knife ] Yo crazy-ass gawky human playa gave it ta mah dirty ass.

 **RUBY  
** Keep dat shit. I just came ta talk.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Bout what, biatch? Bout how tha fuck a thugged-out demon is protectin a angel, biatch? We straight-up must revoke yo' membership.

 **RUBY  
** Look, I know I aint hommie of tha month yo, but dis -- I never wanted ta git up in tha middle of this.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Why is you here, Ruby?

 **RUBY  
** I be bout ta hit you wit tha angel.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Will yo slick ass, biatch? And up in return?

 **RUBY  
** I strutt away. Me n' tha Winchesta thugs, both of dem wild-ass muthafuckas. This angel bidnizz is none of our bidnizz.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Hmm. Yo ass know...I'd always heard dat you was a thugged-out devious, cowardly lil supa-ho. Yo ass don't disappoint.

 **RUBY  
** So, what tha fuck do you say?

 **ALASTAIR  
** It aint nuthin but interesting... Prudent.

Two demons step tha fuck up n' grab RUBY from behind.

 **ALASTAIR  
** But, uh... Let me make you a... counteroffer.

**INT. BARN - NIGHT**

**URIEL  
** Look at dis shit. It aint nuthin but so thugged-out when monkeys wear clothes.

 **DEAN  
** I be trippin, aren't I?

 **URIEL  
** It aint nuthin but tha only way we could chat... since you hidin like cowards.

 **DEAN  
** Don't normally peep you off leash. Wherez yo' boss?

 **URIEL  
** Castiel, biatch? Oh, he, uh... Dat punk not here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See, dat schmoooove muthafucka has dis weaknizz yo. Dude likes you, biatch. Timez up, boy. Us thugs want tha girl.

 **DEAN  
** Wouldn't try dat if I was you, biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See, she gots her grace back. Full-blown angel now, nahmeean?

 **URIEL  
** That would be a neat trick, thankin bout... [ takes up a phat gold rope ] ...I have her grace right here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. We can't let Hell git they hooks tha fuck into her muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Well, then why don't you just give her back her angel juice?

 **URIEL  
** Bitch committed a straight-up crime.

 **DEAN  
** What, biatch? Thinkin fo' her muthafuckin ass?

 **URIEL  
** This is our bidnizz, not yours. Dat hoe not even human... Not technically.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, well, I guess I just like bein a pain up in tha pooper.

 **URIEL  
** No. Therez mo' n' mo' n' mo'. Yo ass cut yo ass a slice of... angel chicken cake. Didn't yo slick ass, biatch? Huh, biatch? Yo ass done did.

 **DEAN  
** What do you care, biatch? Yo ass is junkless down there, right, biatch? Like a Ken doll?

 **URIEL  
** Ooh. Well, itz yo' last chance. Give our asses tha girl, or --

 **DEAN  
** Or what, biatch? What, you gonna toss me back up in tha hole, biatch? Yo ass is bluffing.

 **URIEL  
** Try mah dirty ass. This be a whole lot bigger than tha plans we gots fo' you, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass can be replaced.

 **DEAN  
** What tha hell, biatch? Go ahead n' do dat shit.

 **URIEL  
** Yo ass is just wild-ass enough ta go, aren't yo slick ass?

 **DEAN  
** What can I say, biatch? I don't break easy as fuck .

 **URIEL  
** Oh, yes... you do. Yo ass just gots ta know where ta apply tha right pressure.

 **INT. OLD BATHROOM - NIGHT**  
RUBY is tied ta some kind of dentist chair, ALASTAIR is torturin her wit her knife.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Yo ass know tha problem wit yo' generation, biatch? Instant gratification. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It aint nuthin but all now, now, now, nahmeean, biatch? No patience, no craftsmanship. But I do gotta say... This knife of yours... It aint nuthin but a exquisite piece. Yo ass must tell me where you found dat shit. Yo ass know... I aint been up here since Poland '43. Truth is, I loathe dat shit. It aint nuthin but chilly. No stink of blood or sizzle of flesh or tha wet flap of flayed skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I don't give a fuck how tha fuck you stand dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, tha sooner you cooperate, tha sooner I can finish up wit dis ghastly angel bidnizz n' return home ta mah studies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! But no rush. Letz take our time... Relish tha moment. Now, I be goin ta remove dis yo, but don't you go tokin outta dat meat. Yo ass won't git straight-up far.

 **RUBY  
** Oh!

 **ALASTAIR  
** Now you tell me where dat angel is.

 **RUBY  
** No.

 **ALASTAIR  
** No?

 **RUBY  
** No. I rap , you bust a cap up in mah dirty ass. But I be bout ta show you, biatch.

**INT. BARN - DAY**

**SAM  
** I don't give a fuck, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Wherez Ruby?

 **DEAN  
** She yo' Hell dawg.

DEAN is drankin from his wild lil' flask.

 **ANNA  
** Little early fo' that, aint it?

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but 2 a.m. somewhere.

 **ANNA  
** Yo ass aiiight?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, of course.

Da doors open wit a funky-ass blast n' CASTIEL n' URIEL enter.

 **CASTIEL  
** Yo muthafucka, Anna. It aint nuthin but phat ta peep you, biatch.

 **SAM  
** How, biatch? How tha fuck did you find us, biatch? [ pause ] Dean?

 **DEAN  
** [to ANNA] I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **SAM  
** Why?

 **ANNA  
** Because they gave his ass a cold-ass lil chizzle. They either bust a cap up in mah dirty ass... or bust a cap up in you, biatch. I know how tha fuck they mindz work.

ANNA kisses DEAN peace out.

 **ANNA  
** Yo ass did tha dopest you could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I forgive you, biatch. Okay. No mo' tricks. No mo' hustlin. I be ready.

 


	5. ACT FOUR

**INT. BARN - DAY**

**CASTIEL  
** I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **ANNA  
** No. Yo ass is not. Not straight-up. Yo ass don't give a fuck tha feeling.

 **CASTIEL  
** Still, our crazy asses gotz a history. It aint nuthin but just --

 **ANNA  
** Ordaz is orders. I know. Just make it quick.

ALASTAIR, a funky-ass bleedin RUBY n' another demon appear.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Don't you bust a nut on a afro on dat skanky girlz head.

 **URIEL  
** How tha fuck dare you come up in dis room... you pussin sore?

 **ALASTAIR  
** Name-calling. That hurt mah vibe... Yo ass sanctimonious, fanatical prick.

 **CASTIEL  
** Turn round n' strutt away now, nahmeean?

 **ALASTAIR  
** Sure. Just give our asses tha girl. We bout ta make shizzle she gets punished phat n' proper.

 **CASTIEL  
** Yo ass know whoz ass we is n' what tha fuck we will do. I won't say it again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Leave now, nahmeean?.. or our slick asses lay you ta waste.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Think I be bout ta take mah chances.

Angels n' demons begin ta fight. CASTIEL tries ta exorcise ALASTAIR wit his hand wit no result.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Sorry, kiddo. Why don't you go run ta daddy?

URIEL exorcises a thugged-out demon.

 **DEMON  
** Aaaaahhhh!

ALASTAIR begins ta exorcise CASTIEL.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferma, me confirma!

DEAN hits ALASTAIR wit a cold-ass lil crowbar.

 **ALASTAIR  
** Dean, Dean, Dean... I be so pissed tha fuck off. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Yo ass had such promise.

ALASTAIR attacks DEAN n' SAM fo' realz. ANNA takes her grace from URIEL while he is cappin' tha other demon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **URIEL  
** No!

ANNA breaks tha pendant releasin tha grace. White light flows tha fuck into her grill.

 **ANNA  
** Shut yo' eyes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shut yo' eyes muthafucka! Shut yo' eyes!

Bright light comes up from ANNAz body n' make ALASTAIR disappear, leavin behind RUBYz knife.

 **DEAN  
** Well, what tha fuck is you muthafuckas waitin for, biatch? Go git Anna. Unless, of course, you trippin like a muthafucka.

 **URIEL  
** This aint over.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, it looks over ta me, junkless.

CASTIEL n' URIEL disappear.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass aiiight?

 **RUBY  
** Not all muthafuckin day.

 **DEAN  
** What took you so long ta git here?

 **RUBY  
** Awwww shiiiit muthafucka, I be late wit tha demon delivery. I was only bein tortured.

 **DEAN  
** I gots ta hand it ta you, Sammy. Bringin dem all together all at once -- angels n' demons. Dat shiznit was a thugged-out damn phat plan.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, well, when you gots Godzilla n' Mothra on yo' ass, dopest ta git outta they way n' let dem fight.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, now you just bragging.

 **SAM  
** So, I guess her big-ass booty some big-time angel now, huh, biatch? Biatch must be horny... Wherever she is.

 **DEAN  
** I doubt dat shit.

 


	6. ACT FIVE

**EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY**

SAM is chillin on tha hood of tha Impala wit a funky-ass brew, n' DEAN is leanin against tha side of tha hoopty near his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** I can't believe we juiced it up outta there.

 **SAM  
** Again.

DEAN holdz up his forty n' SAM clinks dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** I know you heard his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Who?

 **DEAN  
** Alastair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. What da perved-out muthafucka holla'd... bout how tha fuck I had promise.

 **SAM  
** I heard his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass aint curious?

 **SAM  
** Dean, I be damn curious. But you not poppin' off bout Hell, n' I aint pushing.

 **DEAN  
** It wasn't four months, you know.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Dat shiznit was four months up here yo, but down there... I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Timez different. Dat shiznit was mo' like 40 years.

 **SAM  
** My fuckin Dogg.

 **DEAN  
** They, uh... They sliced n' carved n' tore all up in mah grill up in ways dat you, biatch... Until there was not a god damn thang left fo' realz. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... like magic... just so they could start up in all over n' shiznit fo' realz. And Alastair... all up in tha end of every last muthafuckin day... every last muthafuckin one... da thug would come over n' shiznit fo' realz. And da thug would make me a offer n' shit. To take me off tha rack... if I put souls on... if I started tha torturin fo' realz. And every last muthafuckin day, I holla'd at his ass ta stick it where tha sun shines. For 30 years, I holla'd at his muthafuckin ass. But then I couldn't do it no mo', Sammy. I couldn't fo' realz. And I gots off dat rack. Dogg help me, I gots right off it, n' I started rippin dem apart. I lost count of how tha fuck nuff souls. [ a tear rolls down his cheek ] Da -- tha thangs dat I did ta dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **SAM  
** Dean... Dean, look, you held up fo' 30 years. Thatz longer than mah playas would have.

 **DEAN  
** [ bustin up like a biatch ] How tha fuck I feel... This... inside mah dirty ass... I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel a thugged-out damn thang.

 


End file.
